I'd like to talk about choices today.
Choices are something we make everyday.
Teeny Weeny choices,
Big ugly choices,
Daily choices,
Yearly choices,
Life choices.
Choices are governed mostly by what we know,
what we've been told and certain outcomes we'd like to experience.
Choices stare us in the face.
Sometimes I feel choices are what we were put on earth to make.
Sometimes one choice can lead to a life you never thought was for you.
A couple of years back, a boy in the company I worked for, and I, started talking.
Talking eventually lead to the topic of kissing.
Me, of course had to describe every type I had experienced.
And upon further probing, we found out that he had very little to offer
in terms of experience in kissing.
So of course, me being the rascal that I am, offered a demonstration.
The demonstration, a week later in his car was juvenile and rather sloppy.
I will say, that eventually he got better, but the point being that, that one
choice made by me led to a relationship that lasted roughly 8 months.
Yes, a relationship that began with a kiss.
The thing to remember about choices, is that they have consequences.
Some short term, some far reaching.
Following that choice of a kiss, short term consequence meant that we were
finding every opportunity to get into his car ;) and sometimes even getting
out of trouble through the skin of our teeth.
Long term consequence meant that I met his family, and I'll be honest here,
I didn't live up to their expectations. I was found wanting.
The relationship is over now, not because his family didn't approve, but because he fell
in love with someone else. Someone suitable. (Ok, so maybe family had something to do with it, am sure they are happier now.) But I got over it fairly quickly. A relationship based on a kiss among other physical attractions cannot expect to last long. Feelings that were once ignited no longer even smell of ash. But at low points between healthy, happy days, I find this choice
haunting me. The consequences sometimes making me weep - that I couldn't sustain a relationship. That I was deemed not good enough. This choice of a kiss makes me angry at myself, angry that I let myself walk into a situation that made me feel yucky, made me feel weak, made me unconfident.
When I finished high-school, I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life - career wise.
I saw an ad in the papers for a college open day. I walked onto campus with my mum, picked a course, listened to very convincing teachers, and made a choice to join, despite the fact that joining this course effectively took me out of the running for local universities. Back home, I told my dad I was bored with the holidays and wanted to go back to school. Not to the A-levels offered in my old school for free, but to this college that offered a foreign pre-university entry exam. My mum did some talking to dad. My dad dug deep for RM7,000 for tuition and the princess went to college.
Consequently (yes yes, consequences... I told you), when I finished I had to attend a foreign university. Thank God, Monash opened a campus in KL and princess was accepted. I didn't know what course, but by making a choice based on elimination of offered degrees, I chose Science. Mum did some talking. Dad did some borrowing, on top of which a loan of RM50,000 was taken. Princess went to University.
I did make those choices, and I did work hard to complete it. And now I work hard to pay off those debts. I'm nearly halfway there. Dad still helps.
I could look back and ask what if I had done local A-levels. What if I had gone to a local university, what would be happening now? I can come up with one one definite conclusion. I'd be in lesser debt. Apart from that, I can't come to other definite answers.
What interests me most is what kind of person would I have been, if those choices were not made. Would I be the same? Of course not, though there is no telling how different I would be.
Guess all that is left on the altar of 'what ifs'.
In the end, we are a product of our choices. Our fears, tears and accomplishments all started from a single choice. That extra lap in the pool, meant that that one hot bod was scrutinised further. Living in KL meant that I got home when I liked, meant I spent the night where I liked. Changing jobs meant that I met new people, made more money. Choosing to remain single means that most nights are cold. Choosing to write means that I am a writer. Yes I am. What I've always wanted to be. Predicting England will win by a margin of 3 goals, tonight, meant that I was bought an ice cream :)
Choices are mostly good. Decision making is what the people prized the most do.
I'm not very good at it. But I try my best. Choices can be terrible too.
Sigh... lessons learnt at every corner. No worries babe, we survived eh?
The next biggest decision I have to make isn't so bad, though it's all about bragging rights.
I have to decide on the winners of the first round of the world cup for an office pool.
The kind of decisions I hate to make really, cause I want to be right and at the same time am so excited that ticking a box gets me into giggles.
I want to be right not only for the money,
but also because it will feel mighty good.
Ultimately, it's what we want all our decisions to feel like.
Nite nite.
Choices are something we make everyday.
Teeny Weeny choices,
Big ugly choices,
Daily choices,
Yearly choices,
Life choices.
Choices are governed mostly by what we know,
what we've been told and certain outcomes we'd like to experience.
Choices stare us in the face.
Sometimes I feel choices are what we were put on earth to make.
Sometimes one choice can lead to a life you never thought was for you.
A couple of years back, a boy in the company I worked for, and I, started talking.
Talking eventually lead to the topic of kissing.
Me, of course had to describe every type I had experienced.
And upon further probing, we found out that he had very little to offer
in terms of experience in kissing.
So of course, me being the rascal that I am, offered a demonstration.
The demonstration, a week later in his car was juvenile and rather sloppy.
I will say, that eventually he got better, but the point being that, that one
choice made by me led to a relationship that lasted roughly 8 months.
Yes, a relationship that began with a kiss.
The thing to remember about choices, is that they have consequences.
Some short term, some far reaching.
Following that choice of a kiss, short term consequence meant that we were
finding every opportunity to get into his car ;) and sometimes even getting
out of trouble through the skin of our teeth.
Long term consequence meant that I met his family, and I'll be honest here,
I didn't live up to their expectations. I was found wanting.
The relationship is over now, not because his family didn't approve, but because he fell
in love with someone else. Someone suitable. (Ok, so maybe family had something to do with it, am sure they are happier now.) But I got over it fairly quickly. A relationship based on a kiss among other physical attractions cannot expect to last long. Feelings that were once ignited no longer even smell of ash. But at low points between healthy, happy days, I find this choice
haunting me. The consequences sometimes making me weep - that I couldn't sustain a relationship. That I was deemed not good enough. This choice of a kiss makes me angry at myself, angry that I let myself walk into a situation that made me feel yucky, made me feel weak, made me unconfident.
When I finished high-school, I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life - career wise.
I saw an ad in the papers for a college open day. I walked onto campus with my mum, picked a course, listened to very convincing teachers, and made a choice to join, despite the fact that joining this course effectively took me out of the running for local universities. Back home, I told my dad I was bored with the holidays and wanted to go back to school. Not to the A-levels offered in my old school for free, but to this college that offered a foreign pre-university entry exam. My mum did some talking to dad. My dad dug deep for RM7,000 for tuition and the princess went to college.
Consequently (yes yes, consequences... I told you), when I finished I had to attend a foreign university. Thank God, Monash opened a campus in KL and princess was accepted. I didn't know what course, but by making a choice based on elimination of offered degrees, I chose Science. Mum did some talking. Dad did some borrowing, on top of which a loan of RM50,000 was taken. Princess went to University.
I did make those choices, and I did work hard to complete it. And now I work hard to pay off those debts. I'm nearly halfway there. Dad still helps.
I could look back and ask what if I had done local A-levels. What if I had gone to a local university, what would be happening now? I can come up with one one definite conclusion. I'd be in lesser debt. Apart from that, I can't come to other definite answers.
What interests me most is what kind of person would I have been, if those choices were not made. Would I be the same? Of course not, though there is no telling how different I would be.
Guess all that is left on the altar of 'what ifs'.
In the end, we are a product of our choices. Our fears, tears and accomplishments all started from a single choice. That extra lap in the pool, meant that that one hot bod was scrutinised further. Living in KL meant that I got home when I liked, meant I spent the night where I liked. Changing jobs meant that I met new people, made more money. Choosing to remain single means that most nights are cold. Choosing to write means that I am a writer. Yes I am. What I've always wanted to be. Predicting England will win by a margin of 3 goals, tonight, meant that I was bought an ice cream :)
Choices are mostly good. Decision making is what the people prized the most do.
I'm not very good at it. But I try my best. Choices can be terrible too.
Sigh... lessons learnt at every corner. No worries babe, we survived eh?
The next biggest decision I have to make isn't so bad, though it's all about bragging rights.
I have to decide on the winners of the first round of the world cup for an office pool.
The kind of decisions I hate to make really, cause I want to be right and at the same time am so excited that ticking a box gets me into giggles.
I want to be right not only for the money,
but also because it will feel mighty good.
Ultimately, it's what we want all our decisions to feel like.
Nite nite.
posted by Gypsy at
11:35 pm
3 Comments:
Should you be worried the next time I get into a car with you... alone?
LOL. j/k :)
I think it should be you who has to worry!
HAH!
Was it also your conscious choice to be given a smacking kiss sitting on a bar stool at the Press Club? hahahhaha... no need to publish.. just funning with you.
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