That smile

It's the first to greet, first to compliment,
It's plastered across my face, like a knee operation,
It's usually white and a little yellowish in places,
Most times trimmed with pink lipgloss ardenee
It's the first to react, to breakout in glee.
Yes, my smile, it is you see!

People say its what they remember most,
Not the big behind or ample bosom,
Not the inteligent things I say,
Not my inability to spell,
Not my wise ass cracks,
Nor my cackling laughter,
It is my smile they remember.

It can be a rainy day,
People can be mean,
And yet I smile,
Idiots intimidate,
People cry when the cat has a tummy ache,
And yet I smile.

Oh yes I am a happy child,
Cause I smile.
What a happy happy woman.
What a sweet sweet smile
What a joy to behold.

Yes of course.
Pretending, I'm good at too.

The last four days

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Well, yes I do think on a daily basis, but these past four days, I've been working the grey cells a little harder. This was, of course, generated by the fact that I was on leave, as well as the hard fact that I had just turned 27.

Twenty-seven is a nice number. It's a number that can look sexy, smart and a little manic. It's a number that looks like it's waiting for something to happen.

And that, my dear readers, is what I have been waiting for my whole life - something to happen. I've waited to grow up, I've waited to drive, I've waited to get rich, waited to work, waited to be kissed, waited to vote, waited to live on my own, waited to lie under the skies, waited for my first flaming lambourghini, waited to bungee jump, waited for a tatoo, waited to travel, waited for spiritual awakening...waited waited waited... all because I knew that at these points in my life... something would happen.

Well, I've done quite a few of those things... but still I wait for something to happen.

What to happen? You ask? Many things really, but mostly, at those points in my life, I waited for one thing... to fall in love. Fall in love so deeply, that it would take my breath away... that he would be my knight in shinning armour, my hero, my star... my soulmate.

As a very young girl I was mesmerised by love - in poetry, in fairytales, in songs, in movies and mostly in books. Love so varied, so vast, so deep, that it was almost an abyss. A point of no return. I wanted that more than ever... and it was the focul point of my life, as a young girl and even as a young woman, to walk down the aisle, in white, in a church full of lilies, full of hope, full of song, full of love.

And, I'd honestly say, that nothing much has changed, as I sit here today, writing as a not-so-young adult. I still dream of it, I still think of it, I still hope in it.

But something has changed, all so slightly, these past four days...

I don't want to be waiting anymore. No... I say enough.

I am going to live. Yes that's right, live. Live, it the way, that my life is meant to be lived. I won't pine or say, it's not fair. I won't stay up at night and say, yucks an empty bed. And the hardest part is this... I will tell myself (albeit gently), that maybe I am meant for a single life. An independent life, a life full of friends and family - there is where my love, life and energy will go to from now on... and not to an idea of a person in a cosmos somewhere, who may not have ever been alive.

So, I say thank you, to lovers in the past who took me on a magical journey (while it lasted), to Shakespeare, Lord Bryon and the likes for poetry so sweet that kept me warm on rainy rainy nights. Thank you, to tales of love (especially Lovestory, and thousands others that elude me this night...) that embraced me, you I will always cherish. Thanks for lovesongs on the radio... you take me to places I have always dreamt of visiting. And mostly, most heartfelt thanks to those 500-odd romance novels that I have read in my lifetime... you shall always have a place in my heart, for we have to keep some flutter of romance alive babe!

Cherio my lovelies... I end with an excerpt from a song I like,

Ooh I've been to Georgia and California and, anywhere I could run,
Took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun,
but I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free,
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me...

Ooh I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht,
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got,
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see,
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me,

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete,
But I.....I took the sweet life and never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet,
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free.... hey lady...... I've been to paradise...... but I've never been to me...

What beauty lies within my soul?
What is it that makes me whole?
Is it age and experience I wonder?
Or merely skin and bones brought together?
Could it be my endless thoughts
That keeps me in neverending knots?

Laying awake at night I know,
That I am simply me, and though,
It hurts so much to want to know,
What it is I was put here for.

But I know these answers are mine alone,
That the heart learns and never grows cold,
And the voice that whispers silently,
Telling me it'll come, if but only,
I lay still and listen, I may find,
Truths blown into the recesses of my mind.

What depths are there in my soul?
For how long will my heart be whole?
What lies just around the bend,
That'll break me down and then mend?

Suddenly I know my end will come,
When these tears will pour and then some,
When laughter will be a distant thunder,
And my life will only be in lives of others.

But until then, this I will say,
That I am happy to be here today,
May the seasons change and life grow still,
May the rains come down and the winters chill,
Let everything that is in my heart be made true,
That my love will carry through to you,
Be that God will one day smile and say,
My child, how wonderful you make the day,
And that May your Everyday, be a sign,
That Love lives on... as I Design.

Today

I've had three Zip bars today. Oranged flavoured. Why? Well because I could really. Cause I could.

I could do a lot of things. We all can. (Yes, its one of them introspective pieces).

I could be a writer, like a real one, with columns, books and roadshows to my name,
I could be a naturalist, living with the tigers, calling them by name,
I could be the best eva vocalist in a nightclub, swaying them hips,
I could be mother, teacher, friend, salmon lover, rootbeer sipper....

I could be puppyhugger, treeclimber, pastry taster,
I could be a scarecrow, a fairy, a tigerlily,
I could be Madonna both sexy and holy,
I could be swim instructor cum sky diver,
I could be Ryan Giggs...
I could be Naomi Campbell...

I could be chess master, gold digger, Nancy Drew and William H Macy.

I could be snow, slate, hail.

I could be love, hate, jealousy.

I could be excitement, wonder, splendour.

I could be.

It's all inside of me.

In a day

Today.

All to be....

Regardless.

The letter C

I went to Putrajaya this morning. For those of you who are going aah?, it's the administrative capital of the country. It's where the T's are crossed and I's are dotted.

I had never been to Putrajaya before. I had heard about it, seen the pictures and watched shots of it in the news. I was shocked when I got there. It felt like a whole other world. It seemed like a Toyland. It seemed surreal. I had my mouth literally wide open driving down "mainstreet". There is one building called the "Palace of Justice"! I'll let you figure that one out!

There were rows upon rows of cars outside the Immigration Department, the only building in the whole area where mortals seemed to dare go.

The streets were cobbled. The street lights weird and the traffic lights short and stubby. I was almost sure I would see someone put their tongue out and lick a street lamp. I was so sure I was in some sugar castle up in the sky.

Then of course I got lost. Despsite directions from friends and a website map printout of the area, I had no freaking idea where anything was (that is if the building were real at all!). So I stopped and asked some real looking people, and was promptly directed to the correct building, where I had to fill a form to see someone (somethings just don't change!) By the way, I forgot to get the form signed and return it to the guard (who must have forgotten as well, cause she gave me back my IC). So I hope i'm not too much marshmellow trouble!

ok so i dont know how to spell marshmellow! so wat?

anyways, back to putrajaya, with the all the ooing and aahing, despite the signboards not working (or my inability to descipher them), I was a bit upset at one thing.

The word "Presint". The word "Presint" is everywhere. And it just upset me! This lack of Cs.

I don't have a problem with Malay versions of English words. No I'm all for evolving words and letters and alphabets and what not. But this lack of Cs just seemed so so wrong.

The two Cs would have made a world of difference. It would have given the presint more oommph, more authority, more power - the very thing that is needed in an adminstrative capital. And it was sorely missing! Everywhere you looked, there was a C void.

Precinct. Succint.
Presint. Bleh.

Nite nite.

Fingers crossed the lolipop police don't summon me for a couple of "missed" redlights. (Hey! there were no cars in sight and i was lost!)

The Da Vince Code - Movie Review

So the four of us, colleague E, colleague K and K's good friend Y, and I go see the midnight show. Three came from work, me from bed ;) - which means I was hungry and a lil cranky. But mood soon changed to excited, when i smelled the butter coming from popcorn making machine on the left!

Anyways, with provisions in hand, denim jacket (not for dealing with cold but for dealing with mouth that tends to laugh and comment loudly when least expected - used by stuffing denim jacket in gaping mouth) slung over bag and three fair faced friends around... we soon established E-enery necessary for proper movie watching.

Days events were traded (not much from my part of course) as we inched closer to movie theater entrance. There was a big crowd but half the jokers were there to watch crappy M:i3. They were let in first then the sensible fellas (like us) were left to grow restless for few more minutes. K was too hungry to wait and dug into bag of nuggets and E and me had our fingers covered in caramel!! Yum yum ( Somebody, ok, one of the two people who read my blog, said that food will always be mentioned, and I couldn't righly let her down). Only Y had the willpower to keep her fingers out of the goodies!

Anyways, in we go (ticket collector even had the audacity to say "enjoy the movie", like we were here to not enjoy the movie!), and trample along like happy campers to cinema numero dos! I thought I did a fine job of guiding the lot to our designated seats. (I also should take credit here for getting the gang all excited days before by sending cryptive text messages!).

Then came a half-hour of ads of course. One of it was one of those football ones, where Cantona like talks farny and then the Brazilian team comes on to show some skill? Well, the girls were like cooing and I was kinda going along, but then realised I HATE BRAZIL! I'm a total ENGLAND GAL! But i tell you, it was damn damn had to keep my self still when Ronaldinho took his jersey off! Damn! But luckily, Roberto Carlos was also there (hope Chelsea don't get him), and I am allowed to cheer for him, cause he is the only player in the Brazil team that I like! Phew, that was a mouthful!

Then of course there was like a few farny ads - stupid ones and then one movie preview! Just one! Something something 4! I think it is supposed to be scary, but funny too and it was like what the hell are they doing like ok ok - whatever, i just didn't get it. Problem is I think E wants to watch it and I think I'm gonna get dragged!

And so there we are sitting around, popcorn has almost gone, and along comes guy with friends and ticket. (of course this has to happen! It's Cinema-good-seat-law). So he comes and asks "Um, excuse me what number are you"? I mean like, why can't you just say your number! Your the one that's lost! "So anyway, Y leans across and says, "give me the tickets". So while I'm digging in my bag with my popcorn stained fingers, i tell mr lost that we are 11-14! and he says, oh i'm 10. So you think he'd stop bothering us. nope. next question out of his mouth is "which cinema number are you?" (mind you ads are blasting on screen while we continue this "polite" conversation. So i tell him (nicely), that he wants the seats that come after ours, would he please go there. But of course the seats begining with 10, next to E, are taken. So anyway, Mr lost and his troop go over to the other dark side (he he.... SW pun... get it get it?) and the gang seating on those seats go through the whole dumb routine again. And lo and behold, what do you think happens?

Mr lost's tickets are for the day before. They quitely go to the exit and stare ahead. Immediately, E and me try and figure this out it is the da vinci code after all. How could someone get tickets for the wrong day?? And we got it! He asked for midnight and was given noon! That had to be it! Because midnight is the next day right? right??? he he.. smart innit!!!

Ok so then the movie starts, popcorn all gone and i get mad! They changed the bloody start! I mean come on, i know its an adaptation and all, but please la, why in the world would you want to change the start! Langdon just had to be sleepy la! No fun if he was wide awake!

Ok what I liked: The symbology smartley incorporated in the lecture, the internet search on the bus, the fact that they stuck to the book when gaining access into teabing's castle ( i love the fact that they had to prove their worth), i loved the lourve, i love roslin chapel and the funny bits in betweeen. that's it.

Oh and i laughed when i wasn't supposed to and could get jacket into mouth fast enough!

i dun think the movie was fantastic nor grandioase like some reviewers said they were. I was hoping for more shots of the paintings, but i guess i'll just have to go to the lourve to have a look. I didn't like the fact that there was only one cryptex! nor the fact that they found the documents under roslin.

But that's just me. A succor for sticking to wat was. I guess I should credit those who worked to make it different. The last scene was nice. Promising.

Oh and I must mention this - people left the cinema and different points. Well they should have watched M:i3 then.

Okay, I'm sorry, but i must say this: Despite all the controversy and claims made by The Da Vinci Code, i really hope it kicks M:i3 off the top of the box office. Afterall I firmly believe that the use of innocents (Katie Holmes) to give one waning superstar (Tom Cruise), some publicity is sicker than anything Dan Brown and Ron Howard have done. (No I don't still have a fever). Told you I was complicated that way!

Bye babes. Off to the Leaky Cauldron I go.

Nobody

When I first started writing this kind of thing, my friend asked "What happens if nobody reads it?"
I shrugged and said "Hah, it isn't important." I'm simply writing, I said. I don't need anybody to actually read it! But I was lying to myself. I do want a lot and a lot of people to read, and laugh and find me the smartest little kitty this side of kitty street. Alas, I have no freaking idea how to get people to come a knocking.

So I did the next best thing, I got myself a consultant. He is the kind of guy who loves being online and probably knows every damn irritating thing about the internet. His name is Drick. Now I couldn't tell Drick that I actually had a blog, cause if I did, i know he'd end up laughing at my blog and i won't be able to ask him such a serious question and he won't be able to give me an unbiased answer. (I'm complicated like that).

So i asked him hypothetically: Where does one find a blog? And he said you go to the blogger thingy and do a search for what you are interested in. And i went:Hah?

What in the world would be the keyword that would bring my blog out into the open?

I thought and thought and thought - NOBODY. That's my keyword. If somebody types: "Where NODODY goes" and hits search, they'll get me!

The Nobody blog. He he... Okay that was lil pathetic, but I'm in a self defeating mood at the moment.

Well, I suppose I could just go announce that I have a blog and make my friends crawl here and do some reading. But then I have to like make it really interesting and have pictures and cartoons and quotes and smart alec writing going on... (ok maybe i've hit the smart alec writing bit already), cause they will know who I am and I have to produce quality! I just have to!!!!!!!!!!

And i would love adding pictures, but ... how in the world do I do that? Ok i suppose I could click the "add image" button, but but but... where will the picture come out? What happens when I want the picture to come out right here. Ok i did something, but i think my little farny yellow face has gone somewhere other than... oooh i found him, his on the top somewhere... Well now... isn't my blog simply smashing!

Right.. write... Oh I've got it! What would everybody in the world be interested in googling right this very minute?? The Da Vinci Code of course! Or as Amir Muhamad likes to say - The The Vinci Code!

He he.. ok I'm gonna review the movie! Watchout!

P/s i tried to make the yellow farny fella bigger but I can't... sob sob sob help sob sob sob

I was in the shower this afternoon, thinking quite intently about a book I finished last night. Nevermind what it's called. It's one of those books you pick up just to fill the space - I call it my filler book. You know, the book between "real" books. Anyways, these FBs are usually fun only for the hours you read them and not a minute more. But this one book caught me unawares.

It's supposed to be a romance novel (yes you caught me. No it's not Mills and Boons), but despite all the innuandos and stolen kisses, what got me was the story line! (Trust me, if you know me at all, you'd know this rarely happens - kisses are my forte!). Anyways, back to my tale, the novel was based on Peter Pan. You know Neverland? (Not the Jacko kind). The novel suggests that Wendy Darling was real and so was Peter Pan and the Lost Boys and all that.

Now, I am sucker for the mysteries of the stars. I love fairies. I love Tinkerbell. But the funny thing is I have never read Peter Pan. Everything I know is second hand - cartoons and the movie Hook! And I'm wondering how in the world that is possible. I've read Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rumpelstiltskin, Rapunzel, Three Little Pigs, Red Riding Hood, Rose and Something... well you get my drift - But never Peter Pan! Why??? Can it be the damsel in distress thing? (there wasn't any in Three Little Pigs unless you count pigs as damsels... or maybe they are hamsels.. ok ok i digress). Why didn't I read Peter Pan?

I actually don't have an answer la - just throwing the question into the cosmos!

Apparently, in Peter Pan (the book - minus Robin Williams and Julia Roberts), if you say you don't believe in fairies - the fairies die! They do! Plop plop plop they go. (I told a friend this and immediately she said NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and the fairies fell - plop plop plop plop!)
Well, mean friends apart, I still can't say that I don't believe in fairies. Well not because I do - but because they'll die! Ok I just contradicted myself didn't I?

Fairies! How to not believe? They're magic! They're small, yet they have such wonderful qualities like hope and pixie dust (fairy dust) and wishes!

I remember this book when I was young, it was called The Questions Children Ask. I think my parents got me that book in the attempt to shut me up. Anyways, one of the question children ask (apparently) is "Are fairies real?". The book went on to explain the sighting of fairies by two children in 19-something-or-the-other. They were known as the Cottingley Fairies. Reading that as a child i believed them. Re-reading it as an adult I find it difficult to say I don't believe, though it has apparently been "proven" that these fairies are a hoax. (You can see pictures of them online).

I honestly wonder at my self sometimes. As an adult that has been through so many life experiences that should have made me cautious, grounded, sane and may be even jaded, I find myself in awe of fairies and elves and gnomes and trolls and wat not! Am sure some of this has to do with the fact that I grew up with Enid Blython and her lot of mystical creatures. I grew up dreaming that there had to be more to this entire world that what could be seen. There just had to be little magical creatures up to mischief. There just had to be! Even if I didn't lay at night with my window open waiting for Peter Pan to take me to Neverland (though I might have if i had read that damn book!), I still did think that the toys came out to play at night once I was asleep, that the tooth fairy was upset I kept my milk teeth in a box, that the Secret Garden really did have healing qualities. It's just so wonderfully uplifting believing that there is magic out there in this big baddd world. Oh well, maybe I'm just crazy.

Fairies.

It's a nice looking word isn't it. Well, I may be alone in my belief, I may not have any concrete proof, but i can feel something magical in the air. Smells like pixie dust ;)

Adios. Those who know me may blame tonight's posting on my fever. But hell - if I was fever free, I'd have started on Harry Potter!!!! Oh how I love Harry - So thank your lucky stars (second star to the right ;) that I have a temperature.

What Serena did

Serena is a person I work with. Most of time she is heard and not seen. Yes, hardly conventional. But you see Serena is surrounded, most of time, with three men, and as all men are, they sometimes dip themselves into boyhood now and again. Hence you hear Serena, trying desperately to knock some sense into them, using the mangkuk method.

Serena is heard also when there is no sound. She pops you on MSN Messenger. She's one of those people who actually know how to work that thing properly. She has a whole file of icon thingys that dance and move and stuff (she has this one particular one that scolds you and then gets a rotan that threatens to spank you). So, Serena can be "heard" electronically.

Then there is Serena's phone. It sings. I'm so lonely. Hence, Serena is heard again. (Though she is hardly lonely, considering the myriad of people she talks to on a daily basis).

Why is having Serena heard so important? Well, its important to this space. You see when I created this thing I didn't know a blog from a fog. I got is straightened out (barely). Then, I faced the toughest decision - naming my blog. It's like naming your child. I knew it would have Gypsy in it, but it needed something else.

Frustated after hours of head cracking, I poured out my frustation to Serena over a glass of warm water and omelette (don't ask). I listed the long list of words - some I couldn't even spell... and just like that she said it. Tales. She said Tales.

I was dumbfounded. That was it. Tales. So simply perfect. I had ants in my pants. Desperate to get back to my PC, to write those five alphabets down. T A L E S.

And this is what I learnt - inspiration, path finding, name giving - can all be found at the unlikeliest of times with the unlikeliest of food on the table :)

So, officially (as officially as blogs get that is), I say my thanks to Serena, for giving my Gypsy, her tales.

And if you're wondering why it's "Gypsy", well, that is a tale for another time.